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(Mary
Dean Mataji)
It was my great good fortune that H.H. Sri Swami Chidananda
came into my life in 1970. At that time my husband and I and our two sons
were living in Hongkong on assignment with the US Department of State.
Members of the Indian community knew of my practice of Hatha Yoga and
my interest in Vedanta, so they informed me when a Hindu monk would be
visiting. My family and I attended Swami Chidananda's lecture given at
the American Club. From the cocktail lounge and restaurant I could hear
occasional laughter and conversation. However, once Swamiji began to speak,
his audience was rapt attention. On our way home our eleven year old son
told how astounded he had been when Swamiji had looked directly at him
and answered a question which he had in his mind. I felt mysteriously
drawn to attend other meetings and satsangs, and after the second meeting
I KNEW that I had met my guru! I felt an opening and expansion in my heart
and a current of enormous love, devotion and reverence for Swami Chidananda
and for Gurudev, whose teachings Swamiji manifests so beautifully in and
through his life. Since 1970, I have been privileged to have pujya Swamiji's
darshan on many occasions in India, Europe, Hong Kong, Canada and various
places in the United States. Swamiji's light and loving wisdom have guided
my life on several levels of my being and I remain eternally grateful
for such grace.
In the life of a householder, there are many daily mundane
demands and distractions. Tending to the needs of husband, children and
home are top priorities for a married woman. Balancing a busy schedule
without becoming over-fatigued or frustrated is a challenge. As pujya
Swami Chidanandaji has pointed out, it takes patience, perseverance and
attention in order to stay focussed. One can feel overwhelmed by responsibility,
commitment and lack of time. Swamiji says, where we are Right Now, is
where we are supposed to be and where we have to fulfil our dharma as
best as we can. When we allow the mind and emotions to gain control, confusion
and doubt will result. We recognise this through signs of stress, tension
and strain in our life and in our relationship to others. When we focus
solely on the personality/ego, we endow it with exaggerated value and
importance. It assumes a power which it does not really have. Pride, vanity,
envy and greed are the result. So we must learn to function effectively
and happily on the outer level without disturbing the inner core of peace.
This, of course, takes self-discipline and practice, coupled with a sense
of humour and great faith in God and Guru.
A Christian prayer from Unity says: "Wherever I
am, God is!" Brother Lawrence used the method of the "Practice
of the Presence of God", which is the same as the yoga practice of
offering all actions, no matter how trivial, as prayer to God. This is
a tremendous help in "being in the world, but not of it." In
so doing, the ego and its ceaseless desire for recognition begins slowly
to loosen its powerful grip. I personally use frequent "mini-meditations"
throughout the day in order to keep remembrance. These brief moments can
be done while bathing, dressing, cooking, driving in a car, standing in
lines anywhere, any time. I take only a moment or two to take a deep breath,
relax and chant the name of God silently, and then, just Be Still. These
"mini-meditations" can quickly and effectively bring one back
to the centre. These pauses in the whirling wheel of life bring spiritual
uplift and refreshment and release from bodily tensions. The guru's teachings
lead us to enquiry, discrimination and meditation. And Swamiji has said
that the Silence of deep meditation is the ultimate teacher.
When the pace of life seems to be on "Fast Forward"
and there seems to be no time left for meditation, it is important that
we consciously Stop! Look! Listen! And analyse how to better use the time.
Give up too much TV, useless chatter, too much sleep and other not very
necessary activities. We should try to prioritise our activities. This
is not to say that every moment we must be serious and solemn. To live
a divine life is a Joy! Getting together with friends for a meal creates
a happy mood, light reading can be relaxing, spiritual literature is an
uplifting activity and some TV programs and movies can be both educational
and entertaining. We can keep informed of world events without getting
caught in an emotional response. Try to see "the whole picture"
behind the obvious. Old habits die hard, however, and one needs to pray
to the Divine Mother for Her blessings. Pray to the guru for inner strength
and self-control to overcome any negative tendencies. Practise builds
spiritual muscles. To honestly look at the real situation can be painful
and we can feel guilty and discouraged and easily get depressed. Then
the ego rises again and tries to catch hold and regain mastery. Swamiji
advises us not to live in the past nor to be anxious about the future.
God is here NOW. Guilt and worry are unnecessary burdens. We must make
the appropriate amends for any wrong and then move forward. Instead of
worrying about the future, surrender to God's will. "Thy will, not
mine, be done. Thy Grace is sufficient for all my needs." I once
said to Swamiji, "I feel so unworthy," to which He replied in
a rather stern voice, "Then, Be Worthy!" How often he has told
us that we are "Radiant Immortal Atman." It is time for us to
SHINE with love, goodness, compassion and kindness; to be real disciples
of our guru and by so doing, to honour his life and teachings.
Within a marriage, it is very important to maintain an
atmosphere of love, mutual respect and cooperation and an open channel
for discussion. It is important to REALLY listen to one's partner without
thinking ahead of how to respond and thereby possibly missing some important
point! If one's husband or children do not seem interested in active participation
in sadhana, it is best to remain "low-key." Through one's living
the message of Gurudev can be wordlessly conveyed. Be assured that in
anyone who has ever been in beloved Swamiji's holy presence, a seed has
been sown. It will nurture and bloom in God's own time. Do not have expectations.
Rather know that in surrendering to God's will, we acknowledge that we
are not in control. God is, and all is well.
Swamiji tells us to speak sweetly and softly. To be non-judgmental,
kind and compassionate. To respect and honour one another, even when a
point of view may differ. Try to understand where the other person is
coming from; see their perspective as well as your own. Use reason and
discrimination with your partner. If the conversation is beginning to
turn heated, take a short break. Count to ten if necessary! Angry words
never accomplish anything and once said, cannot be taken back. Unintended
pain to the other can be the outcome of speaking too hastily. To have
peace, one must be peaceful. To be loved, one must love. Generosity of
spirit is its own reward: "It is better to give than to receive."
Another aspect of one's relationship with one's spouse and children is
to respect their dignity, their need for privacy and time alone. Do not
try to force upon them your spiritual views. Rather let your life be lived
in such a way that they easily can see the benefits and peace of mind
that come from real faith and love of God. Treat spouse and children as
you yourself would like to be treated. Without unconditional love, one
can fall into the trap of games of "emotional blackmail" such
as, "I love you IF you do such and such." This is not Love,
but rather the desire to control.
Being fully aware and awake takes constant vigilance.
Watch for signs of tamas, such as laziness and procrastination. Get up
and take a brisk walk or do some Hatha Yoga or pranayama or other exercise
to get the blood circulating. Remember Gurudev's admonition: "DO
IT NOW!" When there is too much rajas and restlessness results, try
to meditate for a while, or go off by yourself for a time in order to
regain inner balance. Eat nutritious, wholesome food (though we all enjoy
that occasional special treat and we should allow ourselves to enjoy it
fully, without guilt).The mind is a great tempter! Be wary and watchful
so that you remain the master of your thoughts, emotions and actions.
Within the relationship of husband and wife there should
be genuine respect. With love comes the desire to serve the beloved and
to give all one can to make that person feel happy and appreciated. Maternal
love, being unconditional and unselfish, is a tremendous power. Marital
love, when spiritualised, takes on a new dimension. Where there is genuine
love, harmony prevails, and each partner strives to put the other's needs
first, but never at the expense of losing one's own feeling of worth.
In my own nearly forty-five years of married life, my husband and I have
tried never to go to bed when feeling angry or resentful. This is a very
good thing. Negative emotions fester and only bring more negativity. Clear
the air! Forgiveness is very important. Laughter is a great leveler. Especially
the ability to laugh at oneself! An attitude of gratitude is the best
attitude!
When misfortune or illness arise, do all you can to treat
the situation reasonably and practically, but KNOW that you are never
alone. "This too shall pass." When I was given the diagnosis
three and a half years ago of breast cancer, I was initially devastated.
But with the loving support of husband, family and friends, and the prayers
of the guru and other kind souls at the Ashram, I was somehow able to
totally surrender to God's will. With that surrender came a great peace-"the
peace that passeth understanding." There was no fear. I literally
FELT Swamiji's holy presence and I experienced a sense of pure joy! I
actually wept tears of gratitude. Of course there was pain, but no emotional
suffering. I am sure that my experience had some greater purpose and I
believe that it was, in fact, a true blessing. Certainly, I realise now
how precious our time on planet Earth is and that it should be used wisely
and with love for all beings and all God's creatures in our hearts.
The life of a householder can and should be a rich, rewarding,
joyous time in a woman's life. The teachings of the guru give us the tools
with which to build a strong foundation for success, harmony and happiness
in our homes, in our lives and in our hearts.
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